christina's journal

I could be in the process of a major lifestyle change. Not sure how it will pan out, but I’m spending a lot of time away from the computer and doing other things such as walking and housework. I needed to go to the supermarket this evening and went via corner of Nicholson and Victoria!! Just kept on walkin…

I do desperately need to get away from this machine, for the sake of my health and sanity. I need to stop trying to learn new stuff – that’s what takes all the time. If I just concentrate on what I can do fairly well already, photography and illustration, then I’ll spend a lot less time here and more elsewhere. The endless learning has got to stop.

My mood has definitely picked up from last week. I wonder if I’ll ever reach the point where my depression is over for good. I made significant inroads into cleaning up the house yesterday too. My bedroom has been a total mess for months. Piles of clothes on the floor (what’s dirty? what’s clean?) and bed unmade for weeks. I threw out some old clothes too, too small (or am I just too big?) or beyond repair (not that I ever repair anything).

For the past few days I’ve managed to do some significant walking. Wednesday I walked into the city to meet Lucy. Thursday I went for another long walk into the city. On Friday I walked over to Kew for my appointment with Philip. Yesterday I walked to Savers and back. I really want to lose weight. If I can keep up the walking it will help. The main issue is the amount of time I spend on the computer. If I can just get away from that for a while I can do some other things.

The housework continues…

This afternoon I tackled my study. Papers all over the floor, CDs and DVDs spread randomly, with empty cases here and there. Paid accounts to file, unpaid accounts to pay, etc. Now, mostly tidy. Lots of paper shredded. Some floor space available. Most DVDs cased and stacked. Still a couple missing.

I haven’t done anything constructive or creative this weekend though. That always makes me a bit anxious, wondering what I’m living for. Perhaps I’m not living for anything. Most people don’t seem to be. Just waiting for death.

I’d like to have a normal life. I’m sick of the angst, the constant striving, depression, bitterness, etc. etc. Today I’m making some effort at normality. Buying a couple of new clothes was a start. Since then I’ve been mostly doing housework. I’m sick of the place being a mess.

I’m weening myself off the online forums slowly. The race thread on istock has been pretty boring lately – lots about the world cup, then other stuff I’m not very interested in. Besides, hardly any of them check out my cage battles, and so far only one has even congratulated me on my win.

As for the cage I’m not sure if I’ll be back. I’m no longer interested in trying to solicit interest in my art there. I plan to stick with vector illustration for the foreseeable future.

Later…

Getting the place tidied up slowly. Feels strange. Mostly I spend my weekends working on something pretty well non-stop – Flash, 3D, painting assignments. When I get tired I play AOE or maybe watch a movie. Housework doesn’t get much of a look in usually. I’m sick of feeling so driven though.

I seem to be in a better mood today than I have for the past week. Guess the dementors have gone somewhere else. Still not being very productive, but I guess that comes next. I’ve been doing a bit of walking lately – it would be good if I can keep that up. Need to lose some weight.

Later…

I’ve managed a decent walk, up to Savers for some clothes. I bought some boots a couple of weeks ago and now need some clothes to wear with them. Hope I bought the right stuff. Meanwhile I’ve been rethinking my emotional state. I don’t think I’m actually feeling bad about the past. I think I’m experiencing now the feelings that I didn’t allow myself to experience then. So, feeling bad about what was the present. Subtle distinction. But how to deal, other than with denial that is. Difficult.

I’ve been really down for the past week, thinking about my very unhappy childhood and adolescence mostly. Such a waste of a life. Anyway, Philip is convinced that it’s mostly due to being the anniversary of dad’s death. He says it’s very common for an anniversary of a significant death to have a profound effect.

As for all the things I’ve been thinking about, he says a loss is likely to remind one of all the times one felt that way. A bit like a dementor I guess, dragging up all the most painful experiences from the past.

Here we go then. The feet are a bit funny, and it’s pretty rough, but it’s a start. I’m actually quite happy to have got this far. I can only get better.

Here’s the charming Meiko Kaji singing Urami Bushi, the theme from her Female Prisoner #701: Scorpion movies. A great singer and a great actress. It’s good that I found this video – helps me separate the actress from the characters she plays. Meiko is happy and smiling here. Neither Yuki nor Matsu ever smiled. Very intense, driven characters.

I’ve done nothing on my workshop material this past week. I’ve spent a lot of today still working on that Flash character. I’d so love to finish it and have something to start producing images with. I’m going for a turnaround and have probably done most of the work. I just don’t want to wait another week before I’ve got something to work with.

It’s 2am here now and I’ve spent many, many hours today on Flash. Working on a new character for Tom and Iliana. I AM getting better at it, but it’s a slow process. Even if the library idea doesn’t help me speed up a bit I am getting quicker at drawing in Flash.

My main reason for doing art is because it interests me, it’s a good way to pass the time. Sometimes I watch movies, listen to music, or play computer games. Or do some artwork. However with art there seems to be some compulsion to ’show people’. This is just asking for trouble, because lack of approval leads to feeling bad. I don’t care if anyone knows how I played a computer game, or whether I won or lost. I rarely bother to share my taste in music with anyone these days, or discuss my responses to movies (except with Philip). So why ask for trouble with my art? What do I expect? Enjoy doing it. Leave it at that.

OK, so I’ve made the shirt and pants separate components instead of being versions of torso and legs. Much better idea. It might make posing a little more tricky, matching up two layers instead of one, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. This image is a bit rough still – I was just working on converting the graphics to a different structure. Tidying up the bits and pieces will have to wait. It’s a fiddly job.

Meanwhile I’ve done no work on last weeks assignments from Robert. I’ll try to get a couple done over the next few days. I’m meant to be colouring monochrome images that he has provided.

So here’s Herman with an alternate styling. Looks like he’s gone to work in tights! I’ll have to do a bit more work on the pants. At the moment it’s just the legs with different colouring, but should probably be a completely new element. The reference I’m using doesn’t deal with objects that are there sometimes and sometimes not. Guess I’ll have to work out my own solution to that. Lots to learn still.

Enough study. This morning I’m actually starting work on my first character library. I’m going for a fairly realistic look, so I’ve signed up for a subscription on 3d.sk for reference images. My first bundle is 264 hi-res images of a guy called Herman. These reference images are basically for 3D character developers so they are quite detailed and cover all angles.

I’m sure this first attempt will have lots of problems. Still, have to start somewhere. Even deciding on a style – what size stroke to use, what colour, etc has to be done before starting work. I’m pretty excited about it though – this is the start of significant production in Flash.

I haven’t done any work on the workshop material yet this week and will have to spend some time on that over the weekend too. Still, it’s cold and gray outside so spending yet another day holed up in  my study working on art is not a bad way to spend the weekend. At least my battle has ended so I don’t need to spend any more time on that.

10.30am

Well, I’ve been working at if for a couple of hours now. It’s slow work, but the potential is huge. Every detail I add creates more options to customise a character quickly. Change eye colour – done. Change hair colour – done. Etc. I’m getting the hang of the workflow too. The reference book I’m using – Foundation Flash Cartoon Animation – has been a real treasure.

12 midday

So here’s where I’ve got to so far. Lots of issues to resolve still, such as consistent line quality, where to use outlines, etc. The neck and chest are just rough at this point, I’ve basically just done the head. From the front. Still three-quarter front, side, three-quarter back and back position to do. Then the body, arms, legs etc. Whoa.

3.00pm

Well, some more work. I’ve addressed the issues about outlines and line weights for the moment. Articulation of the joints needs more work. Maybe some clothes. And all those other views. Still, making good progress.

One more thing…

This demonstrates one of the advantages of this method. The figure is posable – bends at hips, elbows, knees, ankles, wrists, neck. The pose shown here is not very extreme, and I need to do more work on the articulating joins, but it demonstrates that once the character is made it can be used to generate many different images. The line quality is not so good here – I resized the image in Flash rather than in Photoshop. Won’t do that again.

Here’s my final blow in my battle with Lauren (RedLeash). Background is a pic I took down at Docklands a few years ago. Not very exciting but reasonably well executed I think. Now waiting for judgement. I think there’s a good chance I’ll end up with the mask of the Crazy Golden Banana (El Platano de Oro Loco).

I’ve reached 900 downloads. Not a major milestone but getting closer to 1000. Business this month has actually been quite good and I’ve sold at a greater rate than any previous month despite not uploading anything new for quite a while. At the rate I’m going I’ll have 1000 downloads in about a month. I’ll probably have $2000 by then too.

Meanwhile I’m spending my creative time getting right up to speed with Flash. I’m just about at the point where I can start building my character libraries and get back to producing more illustrations. For the past week I’ve just been going through the process to make sure I know how it’s done.

I’ve also bought a couple of graphic novels lately, for inspiration. 300 by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley contains some stunning artwork. The film was based on this work, apparently. Maybe I’ll go and see it some time to see how they transferred the art to live action.

I’m very happy with my recent decision to develop character libraries in Flash instead of doing one off drawings. It’s a big committment to do something like that, but it’s what I need to do if I’m going to take this work any further. I’ll have to take the time to develop the characters properly and draw them well instead of doing a quick rough job. Challenging.

Latest blow. I really like the colours in this mage and the mood it creates. I think I’ve given up my desire to get to the top of the ladder in the steel cage. I’ve just got too many more important things to do. I’d much rather get good at illustration which has some use than trying to prove to all those people who think I’m not worth considering that I’m better than they are. I think watching Lady Snowblood a lot has really brought to the forefront of my consciousness the extent to which I’m driven by something akin to revenge. There are quite a few people I’d like to be able to tell that they are not worth my time. However, time to let it go.

Still feeling happy this morning. I got some boots yesterday, not as much heel as I wanted but that’s probably not a bad thing given my height. All the boots with higher heels were far to narrow for my big flat feet.

My cage blow is all comped up, just need to spend another hour on the isolation, etc. Total work will be about three hours which isn’t too bad. Need to spend a bit more time on illustration, but it’s only 8am at the moment so plenty of time.

Here’s the plan. Instead of creating illustrations from scratch (for Iliana) I’ll create a library of characters in Flash, and reuse the characters in different poses and with different expressions. A bit more work up front but a lot less work in the long run, and should give some consistency to the whole set of illustrations. I’ll try to knock out a couple this weekend.

Meanwhile I’m feeling pretty happy at the moment despite having to go back to work on Monday. The art workshop has been very useful, and I think I’ll be able to manage the rest of it if I don’t stress too much. I’ve developed a fairly clear direction for the future. I need to spend time this weekend on other things, but truth is I need a break from the art anyway. I do have a steel cage blow to complete, and a couple of illustrations for Iliana, but I don’t intend to spend any more time studying, which is what takes all the time because its so open ended. I’m off to visit Jennifer today anyway, and maybe pick up a pair of winter boots at Rosenbergs. I’ve been lusting after those for ages but have never quite found what I wanted.

I’m practically at the end of my two week break. I’ve spent most of it on the workshop reading and exercises. Plus a bit of attention to personal grooming – first hair cut in ages, eyebrows, feet, etc. Didn’t get to the doctor, dentist, optometrist or accountant though. Not much singing practice either.

So I’m pondering where to from here. I need to find a way that’s manageable and satisfying. I think I need to simplify my art down to basics, and at the moment that’s looking like just working with Flash. Simple illustration, opportunities for some sophistication (lighting,colour) in a somewhat sophisticated ‘cartoon’ style. Think graphic novel. Maybe simple animation.

Not sure if I’ll keep on with the steel cage. As I said, I need to simplify. Perhaps if I just try to do one art-related thing well I can also do some singing and spend some time managing my work and maybe even my life.

Values in painting that is. We’ve been doing lighting this week. Here’s an assignment I had to do – a photograph rendered with five values only. I think this is Robert’s wife.

I bought Tomb Raider (DVD) today for a few dollars from SafeWay. However I lasted about ten minutes before I got bored. I have seen it before, ages ago, but thought there might be some nice camera angles and such. Meanwhile I’ve watched Lady Snowblood a dozen times. What is it that makes me want to keep watching certain movies while most are just boring?

Meanwhile there’s little interest in my latest cage blow (as usual). Three ratings, and one of them is mine. I do think my standard has improved though. Still hope that I might be competitive with good players in a year or so. I’m working hard, but it is work.

Latest cage blow. As for the last one I worked it up pretty quickly. I’m definitely getting better at that. This probably won’t score very well with the judges because it’s too simple, but I’m fairly happy with it.

Meanwhile, I had my first haircut in about eighteen months. I was getting sick of the long straight hair look, it didn’t really flatter me at all, and was becoming quite hard to manage. I must admit I look pretty different with the new style though. It’s a reversion to what i used to have, just past the shoulder, with a fringe, but it’s so long since I looked like this. I’m pretty happy with it really.

I’ve just had an insight into my art. I’m usually concerned with what I want to express and not with how I’m expressing it. However I sometimes think that the biggest mistake some teachers make is to be too focussed on what they’re trying to teach and not enough on how they’re delivering it, with the result that their students don’t understand them. I’m clearly making the same mistake with art.

Of course to create works that have nothing to say except for eyecandy is a bit like eating at McDonalds. I guess my best teaching happens when I’m teaching something that I enjoy myself and that I think is valuable for students to learn. Maybe I need to work out what I do want to communicate with art, and then work out how to do it to the best of my ability.

I’m making progress with my art, getting better at it and becoming a bit more creative. This is my recent blow in the steel cage. Not a particularly exciting image, but within a couple of hours I had thought up several possible scenarios, decided on this one, found what I needed and put it together. I think I’ve managed to implement some of the advice on lighting, colour balancing and general composition. Once I’ve got these under control I can concentrate on making more interesting imagery.

Half way through another illustration for Tom and Iliana. This one is taking a while. Hope I get quicker. Also spent some time on one of Rob Chang’s tutorials. I’m getting more confident. The time will come when I’m actually quite good at this stuff.

First image from my next battle. I had a hard time coming up with something, but in the end it’s not too bad. A straight visualisation of a character I  guess. The main image (the woman) is quite an interesting one. She certainly looks a bit feral.

Here are some results from week 1. They are not meant to be finished pieces, just illustrating concepts. The first is supposed to be a straightforward narrative piece. I’ve calle it Sleep

The second is meant to be a more abstract narrative, using symbolism to get it’s point across. I’ve called it Gamer

I’m on leave at last, and intend to spend the next two weeks working intensively on my art. Apart from the workshop material and assignments I’m also working through Figure Drawing for All It’s Worth by Andrew Loomis, plus a couple of VTs, mostly on drawing. Time to get some work done for Tom and Iliana as well. I won’t have a better chance than now.

After some initial hiccups the workshop is under way. I’m ploughing through pages of text and images for the first lesson, and it is certainly interesting. I’m getting the idea that the basic theme is the better you know the territory the easier it is to get where you want to go.

He also espouses certain attitudes to art-making, such as being exploratory and having a bit of fun in the early stages, and using stories to suggest ideas. Hopefully both should help me be a bit more productive.

The first week’s material is not available yet, but it is only 5.45am. Fortunately the stuff will be available Monday (Australian time) so I won’t have to wait until tomorrow. The CGSociety is run by the Ballistic Publishing people I think, and they’re in South Australia, not California, seventeen hours behind.

Naturally I’m wondering what the secret to being productive is. What advice have I seen in the past? Steal ideas? Stick with stereotypes? I’ve seen plenty of comments that productive people don’t waste time trying to be creative. There’s even a well known saying that ordinary artists borrow ideas, great artists steal them. I think there’s an important part of being human that I lack. Pragmatism? Aggression? Self-interest? Common sense? Robert said that the latter is important in deciding what to illustrate. Unfortunately I lack all of them.

Midday – Looks like today’s not the day after all. No course material yet. Just checked the email – it says Monday morning GMT. Guess I have another 10 hours to wait.

Robert has stated time and again that the focus of week 1 will be the creative aspect of image making. In relation to imagination and decision making he had this to say

It’s actually a lot more common sense than creative thinking or decision making. There are ways to find the most ideal approach to any visual problem or creative idea. Week one is about to start, and it deals directly with visual narratives and ideas behind images, so hang in there – you just might be surprised by how differently you’ll approach ideas for images after week one is finished.

As I perceive this to be my biggest problem with art, there’s a good chance that after tomorrow I’ll be a different person (well, different artist anyway). Is such a thing possible? Guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

I have to say that the discussion on the CGTalk forum is a bit more interesting and positive than the istock forums at the moment. I posted to the race thread that I wouldn’t be around much because I’m doing the workshop, but nobody responded, not even to wish me well with it, or to keep in touch. Only Jean, I think, has ever shown any interest in a painting workshop. Well, I guess it’s a bit out there for most photographers.