Meanwhile istock has just screwed contributors big time with royalty cuts and major barriers to advancement. Truth is it’s just business. I don’t think the istock community will continue to thrive after this.

I’m aiming to stop spending a significant amount of time leaning new stuff. I think I’ve made a good start on that in the past week. In fact this is the first break in as long as I can remember where I haven’t spent nearly all my time trying to master new skills. I still haven’t redirected that time and energy into getting things done but hopefully that comes next. I think my life could be radically different if I spent time managing it instead of always working on something new. I do need to spend some time learning of course, but not in the totally obsessive way that has characterised my life for the past ten years.

I think my recent depression has lifted a bit. I rang JJ to organise to meet on Saturday. I even rang mum to organise to visit on Sunday. If I can get some drawing done for Iliana today, and spend a bit of time on work stuff tomorrow I’ll be doing well.

I considered going to the Tai Chi class that I enquired about, but decided that it will be hard to keep up once I’m back at work due to the time (7.30 – 9.00am), but I might start up in a couple of months when classes finish. I’m still inspired by Chloe Moretz. That girl is amazing.

Taking this a bit further, Philip says that humans need relationships, but perhaps one can think of a relationship as a neverending game (freeform play) and fulfils the real need, for play, in an accessible way.

11.30am

Just back from a 3 hour walk! Had to go in to Medicare so that got me started, came back the long way. I’m pretty fragile at the moment, seem to be on the verge of tears half the time. Don’t know why. Maybe it’s Fathers Day coming up, remembering dad. Maybe. A whole heap of stuff has arrived from Amazon. A few movies, a couple of books, one work-related (Unit Testing with JUnit). I think I need to revolutionise the teaching of programming at RMIT. Not an easy job.

I feel a bit sad that I’ve got no one I can share my interests with. I’d love to talk about the movies I watch with someone who was interested in an in-depth discussion, not just a superficial response. There’s no one though, and never has been. No one has ever been interested in what I’m interested in, beyond the superficial. I teach subjects that no one else knows anything about, I work with people who have almost no artistic interest (except Natasha, minimally), I watch movies that no one else is interested in or can even accept. Leo said he started watching Kick Ass and stopped after five minutes and deleted it from his hard drive. He should have just skipped over the first chapter. I’ve lent a couple of movies to a couple of colleagues after they expressed interest but after about a month I’ve had no indication they’ve even watched them yet.

I have a bit of a cultural difference with Philip too. He hasn’t seen the stuff I’m interested in, so discussing issues with him is a bit difficult. Does it even matter? I don’t think the details of specific movies makes much difference to his view of where my problems come from. The inability to share is a problem for me though – I feel pretty lonely really. But so what? The real problem is that I was alone when I really needed support. I don’t actually need it now.

OK, so I’ve decided to keep a daily weight chart again, like I did for several  years up until a couple of years ago. My aim is not just to lose weight but to get fit. If I’m going to live to 90 then I had better get in condition for it. No doubt this enthusiasm won’t last long, but, well, who knows?

Hit Girl in Training (from Amazon)

I found a great book in a second hand bookshop yesterday as I was out on one of my several long walks. By Mark Millar, the creator of the Kick Ass comic, about creating the comic and making the movie, in which he was quite involved. The movie script overtook where he was up to in the comic series, so he, Matthew Vaughan (director) and Jane Goldman (screenplay) worked together on how the story would play out. Post-modernism at its best. Shows how he worked up his ideas with sketches in ball-point pen on lined notepaper. It’s got comments throughout by the above people and also the production designer and costume designer which are a fascinating insight into how movies are made.

11.30am

Well, just come back from another hour-long walk. I’m sure clocking up the kilometers. At the rate I’m going I’ll have 100km by the end of the week. It takes time though. I still have housework to do, real work to do, my artistic interests to spend time on, some singing practice, and try to have some sort of social life. Plus try to deal with uncomfortable levels of anxiety. Well, that’s where the walking comes in.